Takloo in Tokyo

Bharat - 25th May 2006

As Clooney got onto the plane for Tokyo, he wished that he hadn't been
kicked so hard at the send-off by all his 11 "ass"ociates. His ass was still
smarting, and as the plane's engines started roaring for take-off, he found
it easy to ignore the fright, and instead concentrated on his smarting ass.

He'd just received a call from 'Takloo in Tokyo' to meet him once he'd
settled down... They had a lot to discuss regarding the planned Fujimara
heist.


Gurudutt - 25th May 2006
To take his mind off the pain, he started thinking back to how it all
began!!....

'Takloo' an old friend had started him thinking.... Takloo a borderline
operative for the SISSIANS agency had got the first inkling of the Big
thing.
Traveling across the world between the AXIS powers he'd stumbled upon the
next job!!.... for the ELEVEN... and Clooney had to do the checkout....!!
Time for papa to feed his hungry cubs....

Damn them!! Why did they have to kick so hard... His mind came back to the
burning sensation on his bottum...


Kalyan - 25th May 2006

Cursing his 'ass-ociates' he looked around to see if he cud find
something/someone interesting.He thought he saw something and then all of
sudden his senses were on their height just like a dog which has got a scent
of his prey.
He wanted to make sure of wht he saw so he stud up, which was a very
difficult task for him to do, and walked towards rest-room. It was TIT's
right-hand Streeling, he was very sure of that, how cud he miss those
ear-rings and cross-dressing.Hundreds of questions came into his mind. why
would TIT send streeling to shadow him, did TIT know wht Clooney had done in
his Mansion on the last visit .. thinking of that he felt some movements
which had ceased to exist after that send-off, a wry smile shoot up his
face... :D


Ravi - 25th May 2006

Far far away somewhere in the white fields of the icy moon of Saturn
BabyButt (Streeling) was sitting in the green room looking himself in
the mirror.His thoughts went back to the days when SPCC [sexual preference
confused consortium]was in it's infancy and Michael Jackson was the leader; misunderstood as a pedo.

He was pulled back to present when he felt a burning sensation at the
corner of his mouth due to the tears which had reached down to his chin and dripping on his chained leather panties. These days it was different, performing a
fornication ballet with an alien was very painful and unbearable.
His partner Lilput (Pardesi) was nice on him all the time but these
aliens never cared about sensation and all the humanly passions, all
they cared was about their filthy pleasures.....


Bharat - 28th May 2006

The plane journey was boringly uneventful and Clooney aka Chudao dozed off.
When he woke up with a start, he saw the beautiful asian hostess bending
over him. "Sorry Sir, but the flight has just landed at Narita
International. Almost everyone has disembarked. Oh, and by the way, you were
drooling all over the seat. You might want to freshen up."

As she walked off, Chudao thought,"I was drooling huh? I bet you wish it was
all over you, YoYoMa.". He hurriedly picked up his bag, and as he walked
down the steps, he felt a strange sensation as if someone was watching his
every move. As the hair on the back of his scrawny neck stood up, he
whispered to himself, "Calm down boy. No sense getting all ruffled up... You
knew when you took this assignment that there'd be danger involved.".

As he cleared customs, he realized that Takloo was waiting
patiently,impassively, blank expression on his face as only a true Japanese
who'd spent years mastering the shiran'kao (stone face) could. A SISSian of
the middle rank, he looked like he could use some exercise. His diplomatic
skill far exceeded any other considerations.As he looked at him, he
wondered. Short. Muscular, but gone to fat. Prematurely Bald. His slanted
eyes looked like stone slits. Pale yellow like most Japanese. What a hairy
guy!


Ravi - 29th May 2006

It was a hot Sunday afternoon when he was trying to imitate his dads
voice which after a lot of practice managed to do it right. He realized his skills a long time back and since then he could easily transform himself into almost anything.

Ex Marine C.Looney now was known as Clooney. The change in name was to
hide his Squabbly past from the team members of the current mission. Going for streaking (Old School) was the only thing which gave
away his specialty to Disguise. He enlisted him self of MOD training
and finally got his Masters in Disguises. His success in operating under cover was impeccable and the results were there for everyone to see when he went undercover as Monica in Clinton-Lewinsky scandal.


Gurudutt - 29th May 2006

Earlier at the airport Clooney remembered the way Taklu's face had become
even more stoney.
"Did you get the Parcel" Taklu repeated... Cloneey replied..."No!! I sold
the Mirchi to a Russian Mob Control guy... They make crowd-control chemicals
with those.... Made a lotta money"

Taklu replied "Desh ko bechney chala thaa... . HarrrrrammZada...". They
didn't talk much on the way from the airport. He'd gone into a huff....

Taklu was feverishly applying a special paste made from mirchis and other
rare herbs on his bald pate. He'd got the recipe for making hair grow-back
from a shady medicine-man in his village. He'd paid a king's ransom in his
feverish attempts at regaining his lost glory.

Many of his friends had suggested the simple technique of coat transfer from
his otherwise hairy body to the head. But no... he wanted the real thing...
the soft silky which invariably made girls swoon into his arms on travels
across the world. Silky hair instead of the shaggy stuff that tickled his
wrists.... that was the key to attracting chicks of all races, colors and
creeds... Clooney would pay for this...


Kalyan - 29th May 2006

"Fujimara heist", that's all TIT had told Clooney and that was enough for
him to embark upon the dreaded mission. He had been successfull with all the
jobs before, but Fujimara always eluded him one way or another.
TIT recieved him with the flatest face he had ever met. they dint talk, TIT
lead Clooney to his Limo. in fifteen minutes they reached Nakato Mansion.
Clooney had been here before. It was a nice place to be if one was a friend
of TIT's.

Clooney needed 3 ppl to make up a team stong and efficient enough to
complete the job. he started thinking and it dint take him much time to
decide upon 3 of his best "ass"-ociates. Given that they were the best of
ass-kickers (literally) around, they cud be trusted. he iterated their names
to himself...


Bharat - 30th May 2006

Clooney could see that something was wrong with TiT. He seemed upset about
something. "What the Heck!, Everybody's got problems! Hell, I've got
identity problems. Who am I this time?" thought Clooney. "Ahh, right. I'm
Clooney. Fuck! For a moment there, I thought I was Lewinsky! I must really
love her character. I keep going back to it. Must focus..." He took a deep
breath and decided to jump right in and broach the topic. "So what's the
dope on Fujimara?".

Takloo's eyes narrowed, and he glanced in the limo driver's direction. The
driver immediately pushed a button, and a sound-proof glass panel slid up.
"Now we can talk" said TiT. "First, Tell me what you know about Fujimara."

Clooney took his time. "Shoichi Fujimara. Archaeologist. Japanese. Famed for
being the head of the team which discovered the proof of early man living in
Japan upto 40,000 years ago. Also the sole survivor and head of an
expedition to Mongolia trying to disprove the "Exodus from Mongol-China"
theory.Recently branded as a fraud who'd planted evidence proving his
theories. Never seen in public since then."

TaklooSan nodded. "You've done your homework. Good. Makes my job easy".
However, you've probably not heard about the one treasure that he did
unearth. This was on his expedition to Mongolia. He actually discovered the
burial site of Genghis Khan, but the entire team was slaughtered by a local
tribe. Only he managed to survive, and bring back the one thing that was
most precious and small enough to smuggle out of Mongolia. He brought
back..." -

"...The preserved balls of Genghis Khan!" interrupted Clooney. "Yes, I'd
heard rumors, but I didn't think they were true". Miffed at being
second-guessed, Takloo said "Well, he doesn't have the balls anymore. Mayaku
Takumi, the Yakuza leader, pressurized him into "selling" it to him. The
heist involves stealing this most precious treasure from Mayaku's fort
residence."


Gurudutt - 30th May 2006

Clooney mentally revised Mayaku's fort plans....

Surrounded on all 3 sides by Lush green hills forming a natural barrier. On
the isolated island of 'XYZ', the waters infested by Great White sharks esp.
bred by Mayaku's keepers of the island.
Moat, towers on the hills lookouts that could see far and wide. No escaping
them....

It would be difficult... Need all his forces with their special capabilities
and powers

He went over the guys in ChudaoXI

PrinceOfHyd - A former prince, speaks in code only understood by ChuXI
members. Only his doubts surpass his database-like memory.
Whether to choose the Purple Uzi snub gun or the Green beret Assault knife.
Whether the Super-Model at the show was a former lowlife at the CrackWhore
symposium.
A master of the dark art of Ninja he's able to merge into the background of
an empty room while observing his quarry. His laser vision is able to burn
through rock and metal in an instant.

Zoolander - Master assassin able to infiltrate high security by making use of his
star status. Invariably competes with Streeling on fashion sense. Usually
loses - but by a hair.
Like most models he's quite suggestible and tends to take the PopQuiz in the
middle pages of popular magazines to heart.

Caveman - Known in rough circles as "The Hitter" he believes in going in
hard and fast and getting out before the Shit Hits the Fan. Recently learned
Zen techniques and is coming into his own at the soft art of KiryoKyu or
'killing softly'. He's a strange mixture of old and new, able to commandeer
computers while wielding a club.

Streeling - A master of disguise though on a lower level than
Clooney. He's got a special liking for getting into the Zenana of Arab
Sheikh's dressed up as a concubine. While there, he invariably plucks the
ripest cherries from the low lying branches of the Harem. Usually needs
Zool's help in getting out of tight spots esp. when the Sheikh finds out
he's been cuckolded....

SafeHands - The techy accountant of the group. Currently developing high
tech missiles which should be released sometime next century.... they're
currently having problems in their guidance tend to fly back to their source
in a parabola. Usually he prefers to fire the deadly payload by
remote control. Hence the name SafeHands.

OnTime - Ever the gentleman he's soft-spoken and rarely involves in fights.
Unless he wants to finish one!! He's got special robotic capabilities which
allow him to fly to his target and reach always OnTime. Metallic
armor springing inside his body make him invulnerable to all but the
mightiest blows.

Proker - The guy who works with SafeHands to get all the logistics and
support for the entire team. He's built like a rock and can smash rocks to
smithereens with a single blow.

SafeLanding - The Getaway Man - he's a devil on wheels. He's already hit the
freeway by the time the goons have taken out their keys. Tendency to leave
behind his backseat rider makes him a bit dangerous at times. Working on
controlling his passions at the Dalai Lama's residence.

Pardesi - Like Napolean a shorty and a 'foreigner' ie has moved out
of the home base of ChudaoXI.... He's always on call in emergencies for his
team-mates. Has incredible pull in big circles and is able to talk himself
out of reaaallly sticky situations.

Who were left out.... Yes of course the 2 profs.


Ravi - 31st May 2006

Deep inside a jungle unknown to the best of hunters two shadows were
moving lightning fast trying to fight off each other, it had been 3 hours since they started the spiring. While trying to evade the kicks from Chu, Du felt that something was not right because the resident sloths chewing on the leaves appeared much quicker moving among trees.

Chu and Du were the most dreaded Martial art fighters, known to posses
ancient secret techniques such as flying swords with a string instrument made out of pubic hair plucked off a Elephants in heat. Du was the theory lord and none of the mortal seemed to last his outcome also known as master of the obvious. Chu on the other hand is an expert in ancient medicines and pressure therapy.

Chu developed a special most sacred technique known to confuse even the most watchful of enemies and rumor has it that only a few learned Chinese Kungfu Masters knew it's name as bug-flies-insects attraction.


Bharat - 6th June 2006

As CLooney mentally ticked off all his gang's powers, he relaxed for a
moment. This heist would be a cinch... "Ahhh, Ahh, Bill! Stop shoving so
hard...".

"Shit! Fuck! Concentrate!", he chided himself. Wouldn't do to wallow in
pleasures past. "Where was I?" Ahh, yes, the heist.

He smiled at Takloosan. He realized that he'd drifted off in thought, and
Takloo had stopped talking, and was impassively looking at CLooney. "So, you
think this heist wirr be a cinch huh?", said Takloo in the most impassive
way. Seeing CLooney startle, he smiled, and as he smiled, his yellow teeth
glinted in the car's interior lighting in a most unpleasant way.

Clooney shuddered, thinking "Ugh, this guy is really slipping fast! I could
swear he had pretty nice teeth the last time I saw him". But he said
nothing, knowing that Takroo(the Japanese find it difficult not to say the
syllable 'la' as 'ra') would have his say.

Takroo said, " If onry you had come to Tokyo disguised as Monica, it'd have
awr been fine. But No! You had to come as yourserf! Sigh... So what do you
want first? The good news or the bad news?"

CLooney considered for a moment, then decided that he'd rather have the good
news first, after all. I sure could use some good news. "Ummm, Bill!...".
"Aaarghhh!". A snarl erupted on his face and he said, "For the love of God!
The Good News!"

"No, I think I'rr give you the bad news first anyway!", sneered Takroo, as
he used his fingernail to pick out the tantalizing piece of sushi that had
stuck in his decaying front tooth.


Ravi - June 19th 2006

3...2...1 and launch, with these words a scientist pressed the red
button termed as the farter. He wanted to do this since he joined DCD(Directorate of Collateral Damage). Short sturdy and muscular, prof. Safhans loved demolition
and anything related to it. His self indulgence led to an unfortunate accident resulting in replacement of his pinky(Butt in streelings paralance) making him an android.

Safhans one of the Fujimara Heist survivor wanted to wipe the stink looming over ChudaoXI's reputation and since then worked in collaboration with Babybutt to save the mission. Now he regularly visits VIZA-G(Chinna Illu) solar system in Galaxy
A-P situated in Delta Quadrant to make sure that the production of his
army of clones was on schedule.

"Fear is the path to the Dark Side; The dark side clouds everything.
Impossible to see the future is" were the only words uttered by Du echoing in his head since he had to leave him while escaping thru a rat hole.

Babybutt made his way out by confusing the linguistic zombies and the cream he used everyday had worked well on the Kerberos making them think that he was one of their surrogates. Dragging Clooney thru the burrows was not easy and every time a turn came Clooney would hold his head and shrill "my ass my ass". Everything came back to safehans as if it happened yesterday.



Gurudutt - 19th June 2006

It had all been plain-sailing when they'd got together at Takru-San's
country cottage.

Surrounded on all sides by the Green hills of the stronghold they'd gone
through the tunnels dug out by the river flowing underneath. Takru said
"This is the easiest way into the fortress... While they stand watch on the
gates we'll sneak past the walls under the cover of 20 feet of solid earth."
The river had carved massive caverns inside the earth, separated by small
drainage channels which linked them. They'd managed to scrape past abysses
which fell off toward the depths.

As they got closer and closer Takru-San started panting and puffing his
bulky frame through the narrow confines. He fell back and was assisted by
Safhans.

Safhans had noticed a distinct change in the man!! He'd started to look
more and more Japanese.. This should have been a warning sign that at least
one of the ChudaoXI should have noticed... But somehow the last thing that
you'd expect was for Clooney to suspect...

Takloo had evinced an interest in the Jade Trade of Burma and in the typical
operative style had managed to inveigle his thumb into the warlord's share
of the pie. Always on the lookout for recipes to bring his crowning glory
back he'd been enticed into the clutches of the local shaman from the
neighboring country of Laos (famous for the drug trade)!!

Made to drink numerous noxious potions soon Taklooo started changing...
transmogrifying into ... Takru-San. The shaman had acted on behalf of
Clooney's Japanese friend Mayaku The Don. Totally dependent on the potions
to keep his remaining hair sticking to his head... Takru-San had no choice
but to co-operate!! (He had forgotten his old friends advice for hair
relocation)

Anyway when they emerged into the cold misty night they heard noises from
the careless and incompetent guards who were waiting for them!! The
unsuspecting team had walked into the trap! Clooney's long camel-like ears
twitched as he sensed the disturbance in the farce!!

He made an ultra-sonic whistle which burst the sentries' ear-drums as they
all dived back into the caverns.... Clooney fell awkwardly and managed to
break his fall heavily on his rock-bottum. From there it was all down-hill
literally as they scrambled towards the safety of the depths.

"I don't think I can ever forget that night!", Safhans murmured to himself.
Nor would he forgive the betrayal.... Ever!! Takru-San had somehow managed
to escape towards the guards that night!!



Ravi - 21st June 2006

It was cold and the wind blowing by the cave sent shivers down the spine of the beast trying to find warmth among the corners of the cave. It had been days since the monsoons arrived, food was running out and the bottle containing water was almost empty. Running tongue over his lips, swallowing the saliva he peaked out of the cave and there it was, a herd of goats grazing over the cliff above. Thinking "food at last" he wore the coat made out of porcupines ,picked his favorite weapon and ran out towards the cliff.

CaveMan loved spending free time between missions living in mountains, jungles and caves to get in touch with the savage in him. Slowly but steadily he ascended thru the sharp rocks up the cliff and hid behind one of the goat. He waited for the right moment and lurched onto one of them but instead of using the shredded club now looking like a broom he chose to take the beast by horns. The animal would not give up easily
either and fought ferociously to save it self from the deadly grip of CaveMan. The wrestle went on spewing blinding dust in the air and finally when it settled caveman was looking over the dead kid; his hairy body was sweating like hell.

Thinking "finally" he grabbed his prize and tried to move but he saw two mad eyes staring him, he realized that mother goat was furious and came railing towards caveman with her horns pointed. His mind screamed "think think.....", alas he was out of ideas, with the impeding doom nearing him.

Suddenly his VLF pager started beeping, forgetting the situation he moved aside and picked it up and read the message "ChudaoXI". A gush of wind swept past him, controlling himself Caveman turned to find the Mother goat plummeting down into the
oblivion. He yelled "Bye Bye Honey. i own Brute force, not you" and walked down the cliff for his next mission.



Kalyan - 22nd June 2006

The Claps were still going on as Zool came inside after walking on the Ramp,
He liked it, all the flashes and people cheering for him. "I can get used to
it, not bad" he thought.All the time he spent before the mirror making
"cool" faces were now giving dividends more than he had expected.

Zool was a Super Model, a Cover which he accepted very happily to go
beneath, but he had to act stupid, egoistic n what not, and he was doing
good with it.

that other day when he had dropped a Mac while shaking it so that he can
remove some "sensitive" files from it, and then trying to stop a incoming
Train just by his looks.. as he lied on the rail track, someone said-- that
got to hurt like hell.
The guy had no idea that hell was nothing for Zool, He was one of the
Ocean's Eleven. Master assassin able to infiltrate high security by making
use of his star status, "Snake eyes" that's all the enemy could see before
he took his last breath, feared among the high ranks of assasins, he had
learned the secret art of Assassination from his guru "The Great Ass". "u r
the best" that's what his guru had uttered after Zool killed him as part of
his "Supari". He had always regretted that.
It had been a rough ride before he joined Ocean's Eleven...

The beeper went off in his jack-pocket and he was dragged back to present.
Message:...OCEAN.....11...Takru-San



Bharat - 22nd June 2006

When CLooney came to, it was pitch dark. His head was throbbing as if a
blacksmith was using his head as an anvil. "Oh, my Ass!", he mumbled. As his eyes grew used to the dark, he struggled to find his bearings. He was in some sort of a tunnel. It was just big enough to crawl in, and as his senses became sharper, he realized that there was a cave-in ahead. "So that's why safehans left me!. He could only barely fit in himself!."

"That's all very well, but how was he going to get out of this sticky situation?". He'd been in lots of sticky situations before. "Oh Bill, it's delicious"... Shit!
He'd have to stop this nonsense. "Why am I going back to Monica? Her job is over. I've
got to move on now." But somewhere he knew that those were the happiest days
of his life. He'd cherish them forever.

As his thoughts wandered, he started feeling very very hungry. If only there was some food! As he gazed around, he heard the sound of tiny pattering and squeaks.
Only rats, he told himself. If only he could catch some! He started crawling forward. He'd grown used to being on his knees in the doggy position. He even managed to pick up some speed. As he reached the cave-in, he realized that Safehans had very thoughtfully left him a TV dinner. Now that's like my friend! As he feverishly tore off the wrapping, he thought " Hope it's those delicious stuffed pork noodles from Nan-king".

As he stared down into the noodles, he thought "But, But...There is no spoon!". In frustration, he threw down the pack, and started raving "All I needed is a spoon! But no, there is no spoon, no spoon, no spoon....". As he trailed off, he suddenly lurched. "There is no spoon!" Of course! How had he not seen it before.
Suddenly everything started making sense. His eyes grew wide, and he
shimmered.

A great peace fell upon him, and he realized what he must do. A flash of light later,
the tunnel was empty. The rats unmindingly fell upon the pork noodles from Nanking...



Ravi - 23rd June 2006

The signal was perfect, falling down ,rolling four times and slamming
head to the pavement without hurting himself while getting off a
trailer.
The begger knew what to do, he signaled back by singing his favorite "Maria Maria". Karlos was looking forward to good days hoping that this song might give him the much needed break into music industry. He dreamt of popularizing himself as Santana but for now he was an address proxy for RashRoad(Daya).

Shades broken and leather jacket torn around the torso but totally unhurt Rashroad thought "damn, why the hell does Santana makes me do it every time. I think this asshole loves me falling off the trailer like a sissy".

Collecting his composure he asked "what's up Karlos, do i have to go thru this
everytime?". Karlos looked up and sneered "procedure, u know it" and handed him an envelop addressed "Stock Broker". Placing the message in the inner pocket of his
jacket rashroad chided "lousy fucking procedures" to find Karlos still humming the song not paying attention.

Rashroad kick started his RoadHog(Dumb and Dumber),wheeled dust onto Santana's face and out of sight before he could say a word. Upon reaching hotel rashroad found it's lock opened and that meant only one thing. A women came out to find rashroad
pointing the desert eagle at her forehead and yelling "who the hell are
u!?!", instantly pale she murmured "El Guardar De la Casa"[House Keeping] and left trembling.

Lying on bed rashroad thought "Damm it!! why the hell she had to be a fat house
keeping women and not a sexy undercover agent" and rolled over to give
himself a quick pillow hump but the rustle of envelop reminded him of something important. Opening the envelop he found a message.....
"ChudaoXI: New mission".



Gurudutt - 10th July 2006

Back at the Don's lair Takru-San was taking the incompetant guards to
task...
"You Idiots!! I'd brought them right to your doorstep. If you can't even
reel the fish in what kind of Japanese are you. Or are you good only in
staged fight scenes... Your dead ancestors must be turning at 220 RPM in
their graves....." He ranted and raved for a long time. He'd failed to
realise that Clooney had burst all the guards' ear-drums and they were
unable to hear a single word. "Jab kismat ho G**u... to kya karega Pandu"

The guards knew that Takru was getting heated up only coz he was soon going
to be on the receiving end from the Don himself. Takru had never meant for
things to turn out this way... Clooney however successful he might be was
still having an "On" on Takru... He'd been saved from the Man-eating
demoness of Laku by Clooney.

Laku was an island far from the coast off Gibraltar. Some of the natives
claimed they were descended from the Gods of Atlantis. Takru-San had been
marooned by his ship-mates on the island and left to his fate. The island
was green and full of dense forest. The beaches were pure white sand. The
need for fresh water drove Takloo into the forest. He soon found a spring
flowing with pure sweet water. As he approached the pool with a flooring of
smooth, flat stones he heard the sound of some one singing. The voice was
turning him on...as he rounded the bend he saw a nubile young thing bathing
in the clear waters. He brushed his thinning tresses into place and said
"Hello. Can I help you with the soap-bar?"

Next thing he remembered was floating towards the girl in a dream-like
state....